Oh hey, here I am
I took a long and unexpected hiatus.
I finished my graduate program and can now return to the real world as a certified and educated adult-ish. I have been on a literal high for the past two weeks. Anyone who has had the misfortune of asking me “so how are you doing?” has heard how miserable I was during grad school. I hate to be a complainer but despite my attempts to unearth the silver linings, I was felt with an unsettling feeling of sadness and exhaustion for the past two years. Now that it has ended I find myself remembering the moments that made me smile and the people that I will miss. But overall, I have felt a peace and happiness that has escaped me.
There is no rule book for life (minus the bible if you fancy it) but I’m sure if there was there would be a chapter about what not to do after experiencing a major death. To follow up the worst year of my life with a dip in the pool of the insanity known as graduate school was not one of my Albert Einstein moments. I was already at a low point and I thought “how much worse could life get.” oh HHHAHAHAH.
Well, now I am being incredibly cynical. Mostly because the adrenaline euphoria high I was after graduation crash landed on depression island. And as I sat in the middle of the living room fighting off tears, I realized I hadn’t taken my Prozac in over a week. And then I remembered why I was on Prozac. And then, naturally, I hated everything.
As I am such a fan of psychoanalyzing myself, I recognize that I may just be experiencing a standard range of emotions after any major ending. Of course the anger and depression are surfacing but soon I will sail right on into complacency land the next stages of my life will begin. But while I’m stranded on “I hate everything” island, I’m going to enjoy the scenery. I’m going to think of all the times I was pissed off and frustrated but bit my tongue. Of all the people who made want to punch a whole in the wall. Of all the times I grew tired of hearing people talk about SOCIAL JUSTICE while creating an environment of injustice that would’ve made Mother Teresa curse. I resist my profession’s pesky trait of making every single shitty moment a gosh damn “learning edge.” SOMETIMES SHIT IS JUST SHIT AND YOU CAN’T HUG IT OUT.
So that’s all I have to say about that. Hopefully, I can become a regular at this again.
I should be doing something else 